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October 10, 2013October 10, 2013General Life Whatnot

Happy Sociopath Awareness Day!

Didn’t know it was sociopath awareness day? Yeah, well, I just decided that in honor of former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s sentencing, today was as good a day as any to talk about sociopaths. As Jack Lessenberry pointed out yesterday, Kwame definitely falls under the description of a sociopath: he is charming, intelligent and totally incapable of empathy.
We’d like to think people capable of the level of narcissism required to bleed a deeply troubled city of an estimated $20 million just for funsies is a rarity, but sadly, it’s not. According to psychologist and author of The Sociopath Next Door Marta Stout, sociopaths make up 4 percent of the population. I don’t know about you, but sometimes it seems like I’ve met all of them.

Seriously though, that’s one in every 25 people who are incapable of caring about other people, and extremely capable of leaving trails of hurt and destruction behind them as they blaze through life. Many are smart enough to not break laws as they do so, so society doesn’t have the luxury of putting them in jail, like we can happily do to Kwame. Sometimes the only prey on those least likely to reveal them for who they are, like children or the poor. One of the most chilling examples of a sociopath is an incredible story CNN recently ran about a sociopath who killed a little girl as a teenager and then spent more than 50 years terrorizing nearly everyone he came into contact with. But besides the murder no one knew about, he largely avoided breaking the law, so he got away with nearly everything. It’s a long read, but super worth it.

The point is, sociopaths are everywhere. They’re controlling and manipulative, they use people and care only for themselves. They are also often charismatic, successful, socially active people whom no one suspects anything is wrong with. There are resources out there that can be helpful in identifying and dealing with them, including Stout’s book. The best advice, I think, is exactly what Lessenberry advises everyone with regard to Kwame after his prison doors shut behind him: cut off all contact, deny them any attention, and protect yourself from them at all costs.

That said, we have to watch out for each other as well. We should talk about sociopathy, how to recognize it and how to get away from it. Because we’ve all just got this one life to live, and we should spend it surrounded by the other 96 percent of humanity.

October 9, 2013October 17, 2013Self-Employment Writing

Swedish Lessons at The Eyrie in Ypsi!

One of the things I miss most about the job I left to become a freelance writer is how social it was. I love people. And though my work life is nothing like the stereotypical writer, sitting alone at a typewriter, gazing through a window in deep thought, there is a certain amount of isolation involved. That’s what makes reading events like the upcoming “Swedish Lessons and Champagne” event at The Eyrie in Ypsilanti so exciting for me. Humans! Humans with me! Doing things! Saying things!

What will make it exciting for those humans? Besides getting to spend an evening with me and my book? Swedish Lessons readings are actually quite a bit of fun (if I do say so myself). Besides doing the reading itself, I like to share some Swedish foods that are mentioned in the book, and at this very special event at The Eyrie, we’ll also be enjoying some champagne, because what better reasons to celebrate is there than the fact that it’s a Friday and we’re eating Swedish snacks together?
Another super cool part of the reading experience is the question and answer session. I wasn’t sure what to expect from this initially, nor how to properly phrase the question, “OK, go ahead and as me questions about me and my book about me. Because I very interesting, I know.”

But the questions I have been getting have been really fascinating, and I’m really excited to see what people ask next. Some of my favorites have been:

Are you okay? (I’m fine, thanks.)

Who would play you in a movie? (This actually has a really interesting answer that I won’t include on the internet, but does actually involve Brad Pitt. Not playing me, but you’ll have to ask me in person for details.)

So, was there anything good that happened in Sweden? (I still sleep on a Tempur Pedic pillow, so my neck is pretty happy about that.)

So join us! “Swedish Lessons and Champagne” is taking place next Friday, Oct. 18 at 9 E. Cross St. in Ypsilanti’s Depot Town at 7pm. There will be books, friends, champagne and knäckebröd – and two gastronomic items have never been better paired.

October 8, 2013General Life Whatnot Self-Employment Writing

Finding the Truth in Divided Times: Follow the stories

I watch enough crime dramas on television to know that a sure way to get to the truth of a (fictional, at least) mystery is to follow the money. When faced with bitterly divided argument in which those on either side are completely convinced they are absolutely correct, a similar philosophy holds true: follow the stories.

Talking points are carefully crafted. Juicy and tempting non sequiturs are volleyed back and forth by both sides without anyone challenging the other’s logic. Stories though, stories matter. Personal stories of people and experiences that beg the case for one side or other bring to light the reality of a situation. More often than not, the human factor is the most important piece of any argument, and it can so easily get lost in the yelling and the insults and the marketing.

My reasons for supporting Obamacare are all a part of my story: my family, my career, my tendency to always need Neosporan and a band-aid.
That said, I have not heard one story from an individual whose life will be made worse in some way by the Affordable Care Act. I’ve heard people say their principles will be violated, their personal interpretation of the Constitution threatened and their ideas of how the world works would be upset. No one has a compelling personal argument explaining how their life is good now, but will be made worse under the new law. And I have looked.*

What are available in abundance are the stories of people’s lives who are in desperate states because of a broken healthcare system. They are people who were denied coverage because of pre-existing conditions and could not afford the medicine they need to survive. People who have had to quit their chosen careers to get a different job to just barely cover the medical expenses of their children. They are people who had an accident or illness that not only hurt them physically, but also swallowed them in debt. I have my own story of why the ACA is good for me and my family. So many people I know do. We are all depending on this program beginning in January, and we will all be hurt if it does not.

Stories – true stories, that is – of people’s experiences matter. They matter more than statements like, “I shouldn’t have to pay for your birth control” or “Obamacare is socialism.” Those are empty words about abstractions that do not have any real benefit to any real person. If those intangibles are more important to so many Americans than the true stories of their relatives, their neighbors and others, than I suppose those people are right about one thing: we do live in dark times in the US. When we’ve lost the ability to empathize with one another and support those in need, when the stories of others have lost their power, then we are in trouble indeed.

*There are people complaining about increased premiums, this is true, but those are all from before anyone even had the opportunity to even look at the healthcare exchanges that will allow them to shop for a better plan.