Science just ripped my heart out. It is no secret that I have an intellectual blind spot when it comes to science. I know it matters, I’m glad other people are working on it, but my brain actually shrivels when I have to think about it. Five minutes of Ira Flatow and I will pass out. Driving on Friday afternoons is an actual death trap for me.
Regardless, just try and watch this video of scientist Andrei Dmitriyevich Linde learning the big news from this week that his theory about the Big Bang had been proven to be true without turning into a weepy mess, overcome with the emotional gravity of it all. I don’t understand a thing about what happened science-wise, but human-wise, it is perhaps the most beautiful, meaningful moment the internet has has ever offered me. Particularly, this quote, from the emotionally overwhelmed scientist:
“I’ve always lived with this feeling [of] what if I am tricked? What if I believe in this just because it is beautiful?”
A Fraud from the Beginning: A new adventure, page one
I started a new book last week. I mean, technically, I “started” a “book,” but all that means is I have a few scenes from a hypothetical story outlined in a notepad and sketched out on my computer. That’s not a book. That’s not really anything. In fact, I stumbled over the first line of this blog for some time, because even saying, “I started a new book” sounds like a fraudulent statement.
It’s funny how the tiny beginnings of major happenings can make you feel exactly like that, like a fraud, just pretending to be something you have far more fantasies about than experience. It’s like referring to yourself by a fancy new title on your first day of work, or commenting on your marriage the day after your wedding. The claims feel sort of contrived and uncomfortable. Technically, you are those things, but it still feels like you’re faking it.
Natalie Burg 