Freelancers have the worst bosses. When you are the one holding you accountable for everything every day, denial and self-deception often run rampant. In an effort to hold my own feet to the fire, here is my confession. This is how I lie to myself.
To-do list anxiety. A lot of professionals deal with it, but for the self-employed, it’s a particular challenge. Between all of the things that need to be done for clients and all of the things that are important to do to promote oneself and all of things to do to keep long-term, unpaid creative projects moving forward, prioritization can be…what’s the word I’m looking for?…a complete %@*^ing nightmare.
I like consistency. I like daily consistency. While client work always gets first billing (because that’s the only way I get to do any billing), it is important to me to tweet, keep up with my online content sources, blog (ahem), work on my own writing, stay on top of my email and read a book every single day. And because I pretend I believe in balance, I tend to believe working out, walking the dog, trying a new recipe and a nominal amount of housework should also be daily activities.
Obviously, I don’t do all of these things every day. I just intend to, and then feel like a failure when I don’t.
Sometimes I have a bit of an enthusiasm problem. I hear about a thing, I get excited about it, and I just sort of decide I’m a person who participates in it. I absorb it into my identity without actually executing the thing. There are just too many super cool things in the world and not enough time or energy for implementation. Maybe by listing some of them publicly I will pressure myself to do some of them. Or, at the very least, relieve myself of the guilt of pretending I do them, because look, I said it here once that I don’t.